Also

It'd be nice if we talked still...

I havn't 'blogged' in a while. It could be because I have started a diary, it's lovely.
Urmmm well, I feel really alone from my friends because I just don't feel like I fit in and I know that I wont see many people over the holidays because I'm so shy to ask them and also no one ever asks me. It's mainly my fault though. I hate being shy.
I went to the library today and saw one of my friends there and she is the only person I know that has a diary too! It made me feel like less of a loser because it's somewhere, where you are able to express yourself and then can read back on how you feel and your theories of things. I usually just put some scrap peices of writting in but I want to remember my experiences on life.
I don't know life is confusing at the moment, I don't feel like I'm in the right spot...

No one reads these, but I'm sorry for not writing in a while.
Life has been so busy and I started a diary which is (no offence blogspot) a lot better, only because I can get more personal stuff out.
Life is wonderful and I have found some one, took me sixteen years.
Love you Jake

untitled

It's been a full year since I've had depression
Don't want to go back

Happy Place

Me in my happy place, Venice and Chinque Terre.

Goals

I finally set out dailey goals for myself. I thought to go to the hair dressers and I did, after a year. Then I willingly caught a bus by myself, which is a once in a blue moon thing.
Doing those things makes me feel more independent. I'm sick of having to rely on my mum for everything and it makes me feel bad.

Also in the past couple of days, I had my formal. Every one looked so handsome and pretty. Felt like a ghost against all the tans : The DJ was sixty and had Crocodile Dundee accent. The school spent a good $4 on that guy. I spent most of my night permanently damaging my feet and waiting in the line for photos, then when I finally got them the photographer made me do weird poses. Oh god, they're going to send them to my house!

Then the after party, I was happily getting a lift to Stephs house with Josh - Nawww his mum is lovely! When I got there got changed into stephs Eminem top : and some TINY purple pants. Oh god they hurt. Then every one decided to leave and go to another party, including Steph. Then I ended up getting a lift with Christian and Jess to the party and the cops came. So I just when home and fell asleep. Best sleep of my life.

Fuckkkkkk

How do you tell someone something thats going to change them?
I need to get something off my chest soon but I don't know how or when. I need the perfect moment, place, mood. Sounds like I'm trying to make some one have sex with me...
I hate giving bad news. I know they wont take the news well.
Fuck it!

:)

Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy.

I'm on cloud nine, Thanks to Jake.

Hide

Have you ever just wanted to hide from every one? Turn off your phone and not care about whats happening in the world.

Life would be so easy that way but sooner or later it would catch up with you. Every time some thing goes right the world turns it around and fucks you over. It may not be something huge, it could be something that you gradually go into.

Sick

Why do I always get sick when the weather is nice.
The world is teasing me. Fucken telemarketer just called and made me waste energy to run to the phone. Maybe it's karma for something...

Blogging Philosophy

Reading peoples blogs is like listening to a Philosopher.
Reading every bodies theories and how they look at life.

Youth

What would you trade to stay young forever?

Every body is getting botox, so I guess they're trading movement and emotion. I think that people earn their wrinkles. It shows that you smile a lot or frown a lot. It shows what kind of person you are.

I can't see myself growing old though.

Guide

Friends can guide you through anything. So can yourself, but friends show the way.
I love my friends who get me out of pickles.

Strangers

Strangers are family you have yet to come to know.

Betray

Betrayal
1. to turn on someone you trust, or to have someone do the same to you.

Why do people turn on others? Or do something when they know the consequences? I understand that people do without thinking. But when it's to someone they love, of course it goes through your mind. I also understand if you do it for someone else but it's always out of selfishness.

Me too!

I'm one of those regular weird people.
Janis Joplin

Kindness?

I love how movies show how the future is so fucked up and electronic, yet people still continue to fuck it up.
The other day our year level saw a presentation of 'Do not waste water - Your country will be fucked' Then all my friends were making jokes of how long their showers are. Yes I do take long showers but I'm trying to change that.
The human race is a wonderful thing.
Well that was sarcastic, but it can be wonderful. I have come across a quote a lot that makes me question a lot of things.
'There's a lot more good in the world than bad. You just have to look for it'. Where do you look? Peoples hearts? Countries? Governments? Families? Poverty? The reason that we cannot find good is because we take it for granted. Things that are bad are remembered more to make people try and make themselves better. Example the 9/11 bombings, people remember that so well. Although no one remembers a nice stranger or something - I can't even think of anything. Oh wait! When that man who ended up swimming in the pool by himself and took about 5 minutes to swim 50 metres. Well the whole audience cheered him on! There is something nice.

Why can't these happen everyday. I would like the kindness to go to nature though.

Sorry for rambling on...

Caught

Perhaps it's the color of the sun cut flatAn' cov'rin' the crossroads I'm standing at,Or maybe it's the weather or something like that,But mama, you been on my mind.
I don't mean trouble, please don't put me down or get upset,I am not pleadin' or sayin', "I can't forget."I do not walk the floor bowed down an' bent, but yet,Mama, you been on my mind.
Even though my mind is hazy an' my thoughts they might be narrow,Where you been don't bother me nor bring me down in sorrow.It don't even matter to me where you're wakin' up tomorrow,But mama, you're just on my mind.
I am not askin' you to say words like "yes" or "no,"Please understand me, I got no place for you t' go.I'm just breathin' to myself, pretendin' not that I don't know,Mama, you been on my mind.
When you wake up in the mornin', baby, look inside your mirror.You know I won't be next to you, you know I won't be near.I'd just be curious to know if you can see yourself as clearAs someone who has had you on his mind.

Holidays

I'm excited for the two upcoming weeks. Hopefully I'll get to do what I like.

• Go to Lourne


• Go surfing/body boarding


• Get a job


• See Jake


• Swim at the Beach and Bailey's Pool


• Do a 'Yes Man'


• Find a good book


• Go to the city in Sant Kilda cafes and Luna Park

Me and my friends are going to try been 'Yes man' for the holidays, if you have seen the movie thats great but for those who havn't it's when you say 'Yes' to any oppurtunity that presents itself. Although we are going to try it safely such as if someone is like 'Get in the car' We wont, unless there friends.

New

I want a new start.

To most people this sounds refreshing, it does to me. I'm going to apply for one in my mind. Send some messages to my brain asking for it.

What is a new start though? It's not like I'm ditching my friends, or family and becoming adopted and moving to Alaska. I don't know what I shall do.

Maybe I'll attempt homework, be nice to everyone - including the sisters.

Also I can dye my hair